Auditions

I have been on an auditioning rampage this past week. All of which I've failed to book. But they say it's about persistence...so I will persist. First one was to do "short form" improv in the burbs' of Chicago. As any trained Chicago improvisor knows...short form is at the bottom of the improv totem pole. I can't deny that it's fun, because many times it is. But it is not always my first choice when doing an improv show...and apparently I'm not its first or...20th choice either, seeing I didn't get a call back.

Second audition was for "Point Break LIVE!". Yes the Patrick Swayze movie from the early 90's. Apparently it was transformed into a hit live show in LA and New York. (Such a hit that they had to pay for the rights to the story. I guess even after death there are residuals) So I go into this audition with about 13 other people. The theatre lobby looked like Pee Wee's Playhouse had given birth to a small drunk child (there was a bar) And in the process of the hour plus time I was there, we did everything from pretend to rob a bank as ex-presidents, to watch people give emotions on command (a big 'no-no' in the acting world. Your not supposed to play emotions, more so wants and intentions. But I wasn't about to correct the lady who produced over two successful live shows of a B rated Swayze picture) On a positive note, I was proud to say I made up a monologue in the character of a California Surfer about God possibly being a baby with a gold diaper and a beard.

Haven't heard back from them. Fingers crossed.

And today was the icing on the cake. I get a call from a talent agent saying the Lotto is doing a print shoot and needs extras to audition. I thought the point of a paid photo shoot was for them to look at my headshot ahead of time (ha that's a pun) to see if I am photographable. I guess I was wrong. The lady on the phone says I need to stop in between 12 and 3 or 4 and 7 today. Seeing as it was already 2pm I told her I'd be there at 12:30. She said, "Great!" They are a little behind at this particular talent agency. For legal reasons I can't say there name publicly. But I can say that it rhymes with ShmaBaker-ShmaRowley.

Any-who, I go to the address given to me, and I immediately feel like I am back in Detroit. Lots of abandoned warehouses and several people walking around who look like they could clearly use the Public Option on Health Care. I find the place and it is a loft building, so at least they are trying to be trendy. There is a line of people outside in the cold waiting for these photographers to get off there break. Once the clock hit 4 I rushed passed the mesh of people and zoomed up to the suite where they were shooting. I get to my turn in line and the camera starts flashing. I begin to feel like I'm a fake celebrity, or a real one who just happens to shoot with 100 other people. Then the photographer says, "Ok now your going to jump into the air towards the camera smiling and land on this mat." Now I had no problem with this, but I was concerned about the two old ladies up next. In the end I walked away with a jaw that felt like I had been punched by a really weak guy, but I got to show off my skills of flight.

Still haven't heard anything back.

So those are my Tales from the Audition Crypt. If you are at all thinking about being a professional performer, consider all your options be for you "go for the role". Your jaw and dignity will thank you.

-nick paul

www.magicofnick.com